About Me

My photo
I am a 29-ish yr old married mother of 8. My family is my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. My darling husband is my very best friend and together we are raising 8 of the best kids in the world! They are Rose(12) Sarah(12) Ammon(10) Malachi(8) Gabriel(7) Hannah(5) Maggie(4) and Abbie(3) We currently own 2 dogs, 1 bird, 5 chinchillas, 1,000,000 rabbits, 1 cat, 4.5 horses, and one ferret. We just purchased a home that is definately a "fixer-upper", with land and room for the kids to roam. Our goal is to run a mostly self sustaining farm and live in peace as we grow as a strong family unit. We have seen our fair share of hardships, but we are thankful for the many blessings the Lord gives us on a regular basis!

Friday, November 28, 2008

A Secret!!!!

I didn't think I was gonna make it with out bursting! But I managed not to Blog about this until my Sweetie was able to talk to his parents.
Well, he just gave me permission to blab-Uh, I mean BLOG- about it...

As most of you know, John is adopted. His parents are two very caring people who have raised him to be strong and independent. I love them almost as much as John does and I am so happy to have them as grandparents for my children.
That said, John has pretty much always had a loving respect for his biological mother. Ever since I met him he has said that he would like to meet her if for nothing else to say "Thank You". Well, Sunday night he had that opportunity via email. After a bit of a whirl wind experience, he received her personal information, and they were talking on the phone by Tuesday morning!
Tuesday evening we (John, me, his biological mother, and her husband) spend a long time on the phone! She answered SO MANY QUESTIONS! My heart ached for her as she described her youth and her reasons for why she chose to give up her baby for adoption. I was shocked when she said that she didn't even know she was having twins until she was in labor!!!!
Perhaps the thing that touched me the most was when I asked her if she had held John and Bill before she gave them up. She told us that she had decided before they were born that if she held or touched her baby, she wouldn't be able to give it (them) up. The entire time that she was in the hospital recovering, she did not touch them once. She spoke of how she watched them through the glass of the nursery.
I found myself comparing her experience to ours with Gabriel when he was first born. When I was wheeled in to see him that first day in the NICU, the first thing I did was to reach out and touch his back. That sent his O2 levels plummeting and a nurse quickly informed me that I was not allowed to touch him. For three days I watched my baby. I yearned to hold that little angel. It was heart breaking, but the entire time I held to the knowledge that my baby was just ill and was going to get better... and I would be able to hold him in my arms!
Linda did not have that reassurance. She was giving her babies up. For all she knew, she could never see them again. Yet, she chose not to do the one thing that her arms, probably, ached most to do. She chose to suffer that pain, and so much more, so that her babies could have what she knew she could not provide for them.
While I would never want her to have chosen other wise. I wish I could go back in time and tell her it would all be worth it in the end. I wish I could have told her that her boys would be happy and loved by a large extended family. I wish I could have told her that she would meet them again! I can't imagine the nearly 31 years of not knowing that she has suffered through!
I am looking forward to John and Linda building and maintaining a relationship. I look forward to the healing that can occur in her family. I look forward to the relationships that my children can build with their new found cousins! Perhaps most important, I look forward to John and Linda finally meeting face to face so that Linda can finally give that little baby a hug!

4 comments:

Lauren said...

Wow! What a neat experience! I'm so glad that John was able to find his birth mom. What a blessing adoption is!

Leisha said...

This is wonderful.... I'm so happy for all involved. You know how I feel about my children's birthmothers and I'm grateful that birthmother's secrecy or shame is changing into acceptance and appreciation everywhere! I hope great healing happens.

I know that I don't know anyone involved and your judgement is definitely best here. However, as an adoptive Mom I cringed a little at the thought of making them instant "family" by calling the kids cousins etc. Again, I might be misinterpreting things, but I would want my children to tread lightly in such areas out of respect for me and my family. I know that my children have blood relatives out there, but I don't consider them Aunts, Uncles and cousins. That is reserved for the family they are raised with. Again, out of respect for us. Not everyone feels the same way, and I don't want to be disrespectful...

All in all it's amazing news, and I think openess and honesty us best for everyone!!!

Melissa said...

Erica, I am so happy for you and John! And the kids! I love our big extended family, and I think it is wonderful that they now have even more people to know and love and that will know and love them. The world needs more of that! Congratulations to John! And what a blessing his mom, dad, and mini-nana are too! So glad they worked it all out! I know how much he loves and respects them. I see it everytime they are together! What a special time for him!

Jen said...

WOW! I don't know if I ever knew John was adopted or that he had a twin brother even. I'm assuming they were both adopted and raised together??? What an amazing story. You'll have to keep us all posted on the latest with everything.