About Me

My photo
I am a 29-ish yr old married mother of 8. My family is my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. My darling husband is my very best friend and together we are raising 8 of the best kids in the world! They are Rose(12) Sarah(12) Ammon(10) Malachi(8) Gabriel(7) Hannah(5) Maggie(4) and Abbie(3) We currently own 2 dogs, 1 bird, 5 chinchillas, 1,000,000 rabbits, 1 cat, 4.5 horses, and one ferret. We just purchased a home that is definately a "fixer-upper", with land and room for the kids to roam. Our goal is to run a mostly self sustaining farm and live in peace as we grow as a strong family unit. We have seen our fair share of hardships, but we are thankful for the many blessings the Lord gives us on a regular basis!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

Okay, I have a question for those of you who have raised or are raising "decent God Fearin' children"! What do you do with a LIAR? I have a child (We'll call them X) that seems to be lying more and more every day. Not just little fibs but bold-faced LIES! It is constant.
Some times it's just claiming that chores have been completed when they obviously haven't. Other times, it's absolutely made up stories that can not possibly be true. Ahhh! The Frustration. John and I know X is lying. X knows we know they're lying. But it STILL continues.
Let me explain my concern here. I am not as worried about the lying as I am about the soul. There is no remorse when this child is caught, only anger when they are punished. The problem is that this child is EXTREMELY good at it. So, John and I have been taking the "punish em' good when you catch em'!" approach.
Is this the way we're supposed to do it? How do we reach them deep inside? How do we touch the spirit and make them care? We're super good at coming up with AWESOME punishments (I'll explain in another post) But again, PUNISHMENT is not our concern...How do we stop the problem. We've explained, I've pleaded, We've talked We've yelled, spanked, grounded...How do we reach them?


Cathy Shields said...

I always taught our kids that it was going to be worse if you lie than if you fess up. But though I never had your problem directly, I would say X is wanting attention and even the punishment is X's way of getting some. I would think a family home evening on the virtues of honesty might be in order. But to deal one on one with X...(depending on the age) I would sit down and explain how unhappy the Lord is when we lie. I was going to close but thought for a moment that after making it clear, when caught maybe you should say "I'll give you one chance to tell me the truth" Prehaps that will help stop the lying streak. Good Luck!!

zippy said...

We're having a similar problem with our oldest. We've taken to reminding him that since it's obvious he's made a poor choice he's also chosen a consequence that won't be fun. The we remind him that the consequence will be less harsh if he fesses up than if he lies, then go on to explain how it is that we know he's lying, and then tell him he has one opportunity make the right choice and tell the truth. At this point he usually will fess up, without the tears and anger, and accepts the "less harsh" consequence. Somehow when we take this approach (no yelling, screaming, threatening to spank, punish, etc...we've gone that route too before) he feels like we are acknowledging his intelligence, probably because we're being as up front with him as we are asking him to be with us, things go more smoothly. It definately hasn't eliminated the problem, but it has lessened the frequency and severity. I think with a child like ours (and I don't know if X is like ours), we won't totally see this problem disappear...at least not until he's older, though it would be ideal if it did...mainly because he has such a determined personality and is trying desperately to 1. keep our attention focused on him and not his siblings (good attention or bad) and 2. simultaneously he is trying to establish is own identity, making it known to us that he is who he is...not necessarily who he thinks we want him to be. Make sense?

Hope you find a way to work with X that works well for all involved--good luck!